Chapter 1: The Butterfly Effect

Home, 23^rd August 2005

  

It is full moon. I could vividly see the image of this refulgent ethereal object on the horizon of sea with few fisherman boats dwindling with the waves as I promenaded at the beach. I could clearly feel the nippiness in the breeze through my numb ears and the pangs of shiver down my spine. I could feel the warmth of her hand in my hand, which inspired feelings of beloved ness and an ephemeral bliss. Just walking by her side was making me high and throwing me into a state of divine never-ending euphoria.

Suddenly she turns to me and I could smell her sweet breath. She reaches for my ears and says something beautiful, which I couldn’t understand fully. I tried to pay more attention to what she was saying, which were again incomprehensible, no matter how hard I tried.

I realized there was something, some disturbance which was actually attenuating my hearing ability making me not hear her words. When I focused harder, it was getting more apparent and further impaired my hearing acumen. To my utter surprise I noticed, it was calling forth my name, HONEY, and that too in an irate tone. Everything started shaking; a large whale came and capsized those fisherman boats, and now coming right at us. We started running, running for our lives. Within a fraction of second everything around us or rather I call myself was wet. My mom used the water jug kept on the side table as an alarm clock to wake me up!  

 ‘Honey! Get up you lazy bum; your flight is in 3 hours. You want to go to college or what?’ Ma screamed ‘god give some sense to him.’

‘Mmmm…what time is it Ma?’

‘It’s 10, get up fast or you want me to give you bath right here with this jug full of water?’ she warned with a menace in her voice.

‘Ooh….yeah please...’ I maintained while jumping out of the bed and cursing her timing of waking me up from such an enticing dream in my mind.

Yeah it was The Day when I had to report to my institute for admission formalities, for that I’d to travel all across the country till Calicut where my college was ‘National Institute of Technology, Calicut’.

‘And tell me, why you were making these funny faces in sleep’ she inquired, on breakfast table.

‘What! ‘I uttered dumbstruck

Dhoom macha le, dhoom macha le

Dhoom macha le, dhoom macha le

Dhoom macha le, dhoom macha le

Dhooom, dhooom, dhooom…

 Whoa, thank god. Somebody had listened to my telepathic vibes and has called me in-turn saving me from the humiliation caused by the dream I had last night.

‘Hello’ I said, I should really stop watching late night romantic movies, I muttered to myself.

‘Hey there, everything is ready?’ Jessica shot from other end.

‘Yeah I guess so. Stuffed everything don’t know what is where. You know me. Btw, where are you?’ I asked while having my toast, God I love toast and tea.

‘I’m driving. When is your flight? Hey listen, I’ll drop you to the airport. I am on your way to home, reaching there in 5 minutes. Bring your sad ass down fast. Will pick you up from parking. See you.’

‘What???... Hello...Heello…...whatever’ I was shouting

Beep Beep Beep

Hung? Huh... ‘She is crazy.’ Not only her, it is a normal feminine disorder. Specie in concern here is utterly idyllic; they just talk to the point minus any emotional stuff. They force things on species in same domain but other in gender most of the time and are jealous of species of same gender all of the time.

I gave one final look at my room. Wallpapers were urging me not to leave. With this room I’d shared countless memories. The room had stood testimony to my joys, my tears, success, my failures, my passions, love, and heartbreaks. Everything appeared gloomy, marking bereavement of the incumbent from the beholder. I would definitely miss it, I would miss this city and I would miss everybody around.

Am I leaving? Don’t worry honey, its all going to be just fine. I calmed myself down.

I was standing in the parking lot, looking at my watch intermittently. It was nearing 11 and Jessica was still not here. It was probably the last time I’d be seeing Jessica. I’d decided to cool off things with her for two reasons. Firstly that I was leaving the city for an uncertain period of time and secondly, after the so-called stunt of proposing her during school farewell which didn’t work out well after her telling me that I need to grow up. And later on in the years, I’d also admitted that I needed to grow up. So there was I, thinking;

May be she is right; she had always been more matured in these matters. 

Jessica arrived, some 20 minutes later.

‘Sorry sorry sorry so so sorry, I m really really really sorry, you know how bad the traffic situation is...’ Jessica explained as she opened the car’s door for me.

This is again a problem here, when a girl puts so many ‘so’ and ‘sorry’ with great deal of emphasis using modulation of tone, a guy must forgive her and must force a smile, because trust me pal you don’t have any other option left with you. It mellows you automatically like butter on a pan, even if you don’t want it to happen.

‘Hmmm, are we good to go now?’ I said with a plastic smile obviously

‘Ohh yes, of course. You don’t seem to be in your natural peak. What’s the matter? Anything which is troubling you? You can tell me.’ she asked.

A sense of dejavu’ struck me. Yeah right, the last time when I told you what’s troubling me; I was told that I needed to grow up, balls.

‘Nothing’ I said

‘Are you telling me that all this tantrum is because you’re going to this college, man this is great, college’s can bring great deal of change in an individual’s life and behavior.’

‘whaaateverrr’

All through the ride, I talked less and kept looking at her. I wanted to preserve this last meeting with her in the labyrinth of my mind.

I love her then why am I just sitting and not speaking when this probably would be the last time I’m with her when her status is single. I’m a tosser and I can’t help it.

‘Jessica, would you miss me?’ I asked cutting her short suddenly.

‘Yes, I would. No one else has ever dared an attempt of proposing Me.’ she chuckled.

I grinned. What did she mean? Is she kidding or is she serious? I hate sarcasms

Then we talked about our yester years, school friends, old memories, jokes we’ve shared together, our patented hilarious laughs together, good times and bad times.

As we neared the airport,

Trust me you are a great loser, are you going to tell her or not? At least make one last attempt. You have nothing to loose. I don’t want to loose her as a friend.  No you won’t loose her. You need to tell her about your feelings. Or just say some crap, something romantic…for god sake why do you watch so many romantic movies for?

Alright, I needed to tell her one last time how much I loved her. I didn’t want her answer; I just wanted to let away the burden which was there over my head and heart. I just wanted to express my feelings for her in words. Because somewhere deep down inside I knew that she doesn’t have the same feelings for me. But I had to tell her, and that’s what I did.

At the airport, I hopped out of the car.

‘Jessica, I love you’ I said loud and clear, staring right in her eyes.

Hehe...you suck man. The only thing which differentiated me from a leech is that eventually a leech might stop sucking, but I am a perennial sucker. Is this a way of telling how you feel. No wonder she rejected you last time, and that too assertively.

She looked at me for few seconds; there was something in her eyes which I couldn’t read. I tried my best though.

‘I get it. I know your answer. But I don’t know what to do. How to kill it’ I said after almost breaking down.

Don’t cry now, you crybaby. You call yourself a man? I doubt it…

She opened the door and asked me to sit inside for a while. I sat there and she was waiting for me to settle down. We were holding hands.

Holding hands, my stars are at right positions I guess. Focus IDIOT

After few minutes, she swiftly turns towards me and then gave a warm hug and asked me through a whisper in my ear ‘Do you love me?’

Mmmm…I want this time to stop right now. I don’t want it to tick anymore. It is like an eclipse and I don’t want it to end. But like any other eclipse it’d to end.

‘Yes’ I said, looking in the other direction hiding my watery eyes.

‘Will you do what I say then?’ she demanded.

‘Yes’

 ‘Honey, life has bigger things in store for you. Don’t get too upset about this. Go inside and wash your face. Give me a call when you reach Calicut’ she said thrusting an Airtel Sim card in my hand.

That is it. She doesn’t have any feelings for me. I’m done with her. I gave up. I can’t convince her to change her mind. She thinks I’m juvenile and unsuitable for her. I don’t care. I hate this place, this city and everybody around. Resentment started developing inside of me.

I collected my stuff, bade goodbye and headed for the airport.

Jessica had been right. There had been bigger things in store for me. Things in the form of ‘E, Turtle and Johnny’; they became my best friends of life and I’m certainly taking their names to my grave. I had met many interesting girls and dated them too. I’d thought about Jessica many a times but had never given her a call in these 4 years. So when I ran into her in Delhi this July at Connaught place, I had been flooded with memories of the past. I was standing at the tea stall with friends. She was walking down fast with stack of books in her hand. Sky was overcast and breeze was blowing making her hair locks dance on her face. Her gaze was lower as she scurried towards the metro station. Out of the blues it started to drizzle. Rain drop on her skin was giving away glittering effect. I couldn’t do anything but admire the fact; she is damn beautiful! *sigh

Just then she looked up and saw me smiling. I was caught unprepared and unwanted, which made me shift my eyes in other direction. She felt something strange and gave me an awkward smile after giving some thought.

Did she even recognize me? No way...With this heavy beard n unruly hair I look like a beggar, it’s impossible.

.

A moment later, a guy came out of the metro station, went to her and offered his umbrella. Her face got lightened up. She embraced him with a wider and more beautiful smile than she’d ever given to me. She looked back for a second as if she’d missed on something. I watched them both go inside the metro station.  The guy looked happy and she was with her boyfriend. She looked happy too. And here I was, happy for her.

She finally found the guy of her dream I had thought.

Later in the evening, I searched my wallet for the Sim card which she had given to me the last time we’d met at the airport, which I’d preserved as a relic, never used though and which I wanted to set free now because somewhere or some part of my mind was telling me that, I was not its rightful owner. So I decided to throw it away with a peaceful mind. I was about to throw it and then immediately something stuck me almost piercing me till my soul. I hastily opened up my cell phone and changed the Sim card in the slot. I switched on the power. After opening, there was this ‘1 unread voicemail’, which I opened right away without using any grey material filled in my head. I grasped at the words.

It’s happening again, I have seen it before. It’s the dream I had… My dream reanimated itself right before my eyes. I was watching in horror.  She is whispering something in my ear. But this time I heard it.

‘I love you honey ’

Sent:

23:53:22

22-08-05