MotorCycle Diaries #08

Day 8: Divon, Assam (1476 km)

25th June, 2011         

                

It is still midmorning in Assam when we arrive at a small village, Divon, about few hours outside of Guwahati, the second largest city of the eastern India. We have come over dirt road, passing women & children walking barefoot with water jugs, fuel wood, and other bundles. The mid-morning temperature is bitter. In this subsistence tea growing region of an impoverished landlocked state in eastern India, house holds eke out survival from an unforgiving terrain. Couldn’t see the exact reason, but whatever the cause, the crops are withering in the field that we pass. I guess, this year had been a lot more difficult than usual because of errant downpour.

If the village were filled with able-bodied men who could have built proper harvesting units in around fields, the situation would not be as dire as it is this morning. But as we arrive in the village, we see no able-bodied young men at all. In fact, older women and dozens of children greet us, but there is not a young man or woman of working age in sight. Where, we ask, are the workers? Out in fields? The man who has led us to the village shakes his head sadly and says no. they are nearly all dead. The village had been devastated by the struggle between rebels & local authorities, which has ravaged this part of Assam for several years now. There are just five men between twenty & forty years of age left in the village. They are not there this morning because they are all attending funeral of a fellow villager who died a day before because of infection he couldn’t tend to. 

The presence of death in Divon has been overwhelming in recent years. The grandmothers whom we meet are guardian for their orphaned grandchildren. Each woman has her own story of how her sons and daughters have died, leaving her to bear the burden of raising and providing for five or ten, sometimes fifteen, orphaned grandchildren. Those women have reached an age where, in more prosperous places like Delhi, they would be revered matriarch enjoying a well earned rest from a lifetime of toil. But there is no break now, no chance for even a moment’s respite, because the grandmother of this village, and countless others like it, know that if they let up for a moment, these young children will die.

The margin of survival is extraordinarily narrow; sometimes it closes entirely. One woman we meet in front of her mud hut has fifteen orphaned grandchildren. As she begins to explain her situation to us, she first points to the wasted crop that have died in the field next to her hut because of lack of proper care. Her small plot, perhaps a half hectare in all, would be too small to feed her family even if the care on it had been plentiful. The problem of small farm and lack of farming care is compounded by yet another problem: the soil nutrients, because of non changing nature of cash crop agronomics, have been depleted so significantly in this part of the Assam that productivity is real low.

Whatever she will get from this field would not be sufficient for proper nutrition and would provide precious little, if any, market income. She will get almost nothing. She reaches into her apron and pulls out a handful of semi rotten, bug infected millet, which will be the basis for the gruel she will prepare for the meal that evening. It will be the one meal the children have that day.

I ask her about the health of the children. She points to a child of about four and says that the small girl contracted malaria the week before. The woman had carried her grandchildren on her back for the ten kilometers or so to the local hospital. When they got there, there was no quinine, the antimalarial medicine, available that day. With the child in high fever, the grandchild and grandmother were sent home and told to return the next day. In a small miracle, when they returned the next day after another ten-kilometer trek, the quinine had come in, and the child responded to the treatment and survived.

As we proceed through the village, other grandmothers share similar stories. Each has lost sons and daughters; those who remain fights for survival.  There are only poor in this village. No clinic nearby. No safe water resource. No crop in the fields. And notably, no aid which our government promises in the name of incredible India and various other schemed distribution channels, NREGA, and likes. I stoop down to ask one young girl her name and age. She looks about seven or eight, but is actually twelve, stunted from years of under nutrition. When I ask her what she dream are for her own life, she says that she wants to be a teacher, and that she is prepared to study and work hard to achieve that. I know that her chances of surviving to go on to secondary school and a college are slim under the circumstances in which she lives. Attending school is a hit-and-miss affair. Children are in or and out of school with illness. Their attendance depends on how urgently they are needed at home to fetch water and firewood, or to care for sibling or cousins; on whether they can afford to buy supplies, a uniform, and pay local fees; and on the safety of walking several kilometers to the school itself.

I was discouraged by the belief that there is nothing one man or one woman can do against the enormous array of the world’s ill, against misery & ignorance, injustice and violence. 

We leave the village for the Guwahati in the evening and fly later that evening to Kolkata. 

On our journey back, I realized, it’s up to us and only us to bend this, if just each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total, all those acts will be written in the history of our generation. We must not forget, it is from the numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time somebody has to stand up as an ideal, or act to improve the lot of others, or strike out against the injustice, he sends a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.

ComeBack from Hiatus

I am 23 and very much single. Ok! Such a desperate start? No. Well, to be frank it is not one of those secret desires which is compelling me to remain single to achieve something great out of my life albeit I do want to accomplish something grand on this very earth. On the other hand I want to change my relationship status as well and trust me, I have been working really hard on it ever since I realized that I really need to find someone having exactly opposite traits of mine for the matter of compatibility and of opposite sex for the matter of making things simple in our country. Now, if you are ugly and boring, don’t start running funny ideas, also don’t be a judgmental jerk and brand me a chauvinist, I can be real quixotic when the situation demands. Well, opposite trait is for one simple fact I learned back at school that opposite charges attract each other, I’ve written an article over it already. As far as opposite sex is concerned I don’t think it is remotely connected to today’s scenario of dating and mating. Nowadays you can date as well as mate same sex homosapien although I’d like to clarify that I am not homophobic. But it definitely begs of a question- When a gay man proposes, do both go down on one knee? So I just surmise that life without women would be a “real pain in the arse”. 

Folks, I know I haven’t written anything lately and I m not sorry for that. I also know that you don’t give a lazy damn article to whatever I say. But just for the sake of clarification, I wasn’t busy with work, wasn’t traveling also, wasn’t involved with anybody (no matter how hard I try… ain’t gonna happen), paucity of ideas umm ummm, naaah, I have ideas… Big & Gr8 ideas (I think so). Then what?  Man it was like I was bored with this whole concept of blogging shit online. I started blogging just to get rid of my daily routine of killing time through roaming out with friends, bird watching at high places etc etc.  again I changed my routine through writing stuff, I’d almost convinced myself that I could write a book. Trust me, that’d been a disaster  even if I’d had rated it against Dolly Bindra; for the record she can be cool sometime, whatever. Yeah so even if I’d managed to write it up somehow, nobody would have read it. And by scintilla size chance, it’d had been purely supernatural to have readers reading it out. But Blog-villa gave this platform where I shared few ideas, received applauds and criticism on equal counts. Praises for the undemanding things I presented in very complicated manner, which later become so confusing and frustrating that people who praised at the first place started criticizing. We better not touch this sensitive issue because I don’t want to blame them for being simply unprofessional.

So after writing up few articles (I love to call them articles, but others call them crap, bullshit, thisShit, thatShit, etcShit-etcShit) I changed my vision and started engaging myself in outdoors activities. Well that’s another slew of interesting (I guess) stories which I’ll be soon writing about. And yeah, work on the 4^th chapter has been started that too will be coming shortly after.

Chapter 3 : Guns' & Roses'

Somewhere Near School, 14th February 2005

‘Drill hole, I told you not to take that detour for heaven’s sake, should have taken our usual route. And now, as plain as the nose on your face, this diversion which you claimed as a shortcut doesn’t appear any shorter to me.’

‘I think we are missing something.’

‘Yeah, your tiny brain. We’d missed it back home.’

‘Well we took this cut from the main road and that water tank is over there. It means we are here, behind school premises and football ground is there I assume.’ I drew a few lines on the ground with the help of a stick.

‘You know what! Fuck you and your methods!’ Shashank finally yelled.

‘Hold on for a sec.’ I said calmly.

‘Are you even listening? Don’t you get it? We are fucked and that too royally, and this fuck is not how normal people like you and me pipe dreams to get fucked but it’s like how faggots fantasize getting fucked and I m telling you it ain’t any pleasing and not to forget, pain is excruciating.’ His face was becoming red like an iron rod kept in a flame.

‘I assume, sacred wall is in that direction.’ I pointed towards some shrubbery couple of feet away almost ignoring Shashank’s roar.

I moved in that direction without wasting any time and jumped in the bushes. Upon walking few feet, we reached a wall. Here it was, before us stood, THE SACRED WALL.

Sacred wall is the wall separating our school building with the other institutional buildings like teacher’s quarter, golf course and general library. Ever since the foundation of our school was laid, the architect who constructed it took all possible precautions listed in different architectural jargons, for constructing a school boundary wall in such a way so that students could not bunk school. The Wall was 4 feet thick and 12 feet high with barb-wire fencing and glassy protection, making it absolutely impregnable from outside as well as inside. Serving students made a number of attempts with little hope, but all endeavors for bunking were foiled because of this gigantic mammoth the architect bestowed upon them. In the later on years, word reached different corners of the country and the architect was given assignments for designing walls for different penitentiaries across the country. In the school, the energy was low and morale was withering. Tyranny of teachers brain-killing lectures and frequent class tests made it impossible for inmates to survive this agony. In this period of Dismay, A leader rose from the ashes. He guided other captives towards redemption. He showed them the true path of salvation; he gave them commandments for how not to waste their school life running after mundane grades and materialistic trophies. He demonstrated quality leadership by inaugurating the tunneling activity to make an underpass beneath that wall so that convicts could lead a normal student life with bunking as an integral part of their school curriculum. He was expelled from the school when others followed him on his path of deliverance; he was caught watching a movie with others in the school time at a nearby theatre. Like every other saint, he sacrificed himself for others, and with this his name was engraved in the history with golden letters. His stories shall be told in the school till eternity.

We crossed the wall and started moving towards the school buildings after paying reverence to this great Savior of STUDENT-KIND.

Papa kehte hain bada naam karega,

Beta hamara aisa kaam karega.

Magar yeh to koi na jaane,

Ki meri manzil hai kahan.

*song being played at some distance

‘Sorry, what were you saying?’

‘No nothing, I am finally relieved that we made it in time. I’d almost convinced myself that I’m definitely going to miss our Farewell because of one wise-bin experimenting with routes.’ He grumbled.

‘You can thank me now.’

‘Thank you? Kiss my scrawny arse! I’m thankful for nothing.’ He howled.

‘You’re welcome.’

It was the last day of school. I had knots in my stomach, was feeling uneasy. I was looking for Jess. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with her. I hadn't missed classes even once in the last 2 years as I didn't want to miss out on Jess for even a single day. Everybody in class thought I and Jess made a good team. Even I thought so. Quizzing, debating, dramatics…We often paired up as a team. In fact sitting on the podium, facing a volley of questions and beating the shit out of other teams gave us a high. Competitions had brought us close, not just as partners but as friends.

Mera to sapna hai ek chehra

Dekhe jo usko jhoome bahar

Gaalon mein khilti kaliyon ka mausam

Aankhon mein jaadu honthon mein pyaar.

*song being played in the background

‘I think you should tell her.’

‘Tell her what?’ I asked casually.

‘You know very well what I mean, obviously your feelings for her, you wise ass!’

‘Ohh that… I don’t think it’s the right time.’

‘Trust me brother, if you’d unremittingly ignore me on this delicate front, your right time will never come.’ He became serious suddenly.

‘Don’t screw with my head.’ I was annoyed.

‘I am not the one who is screwing around. Believe me, tell her before she starts going out with him. He has already asked her out a couple of times. It won’t take long for her to fall for him, you know?’ he gave this jerk to his head in the direction opposite to me, insinuating something.

I spotted Jess in the company of Vishal. My face changed its color to a darker shade of red. I hated Vishal, school prefect; head of the literary society, captain of the football team, in short he was a stud. He played football as brilliantly as he performed at his exams. Vishal was tall, fair, fun, and athletic. He had a killing smile; of which most or I should say all girls in the school were victims. He was the guy I envied the most.

‘I’ll say one more time incase you’d problem listening to it the last time, you retard.’ I said somewhat hiding my frustration ‘Stop with this mind fuck already, will you?’

I tried looking in the other direction, but Jess had already caught me looking at her. So the next minute she started walking towards me.

‘Alright alright… here here, she is coming…’ Shashank bamboozled.

‘Last day...’ I began.

‘Yup, last day. Can’t believe school is over.’

‘So, having fun?’ I asked trying to sound cool

‘Yeah…’she said looking in the direction of Vishal.

I was finding it hard to contain my jealousy but forced a plastic smile.

‘Hey... I almost forgot, Guess who the mysterious Rose sending guy is?’

‘You already know! Who told you?’ I was mystified.

‘Ramya told me, actually he asked her to give me this.’ she was holding a rose.

‘He? who?’

‘What who? Vishal, he is such an idiot, sometimes. I was almost certain that he is behind all this and today this rose erased all doubts. He almost got me scared with this stalking business.’ she said looking again in his direction.

‘It’s creepy. Right?’

‘No, I think it’s kind of cute.’

Girls will be girls. I don’t know how the stupidest thing in the world intrigues them the most.

‘So?’ I enquired.

‘So what?’ she asked innocently.

‘Huh, I mean. What did you say to him then?’

They know how to make a guy speak. Ignorance and Dumbness are such a powerful tool.

‘Not much. I just told him that I don’t like this kind of public display of affection. Some things are meant to remain hush-hush for good. ’

‘But you find it cute, then why would you want it to be a secret in the first place?’

‘You know what your problem is, you ask too many questions and at times they become really irritating, makes me go crazy. And you definitely don’t want me to be mad at you right now, do you? And why do you care so much about what I should do or what I shouldn’t? You’re not my boy friend or anything.’ She teased.

‘Yeah, Whatever.’ I said, looking at the ground.

‘Yeah whatever! Don’t give me this whatever.’ She screeched.

‘Btw, heard you would do your college in Mumbai’ Shashank tried changing the topic sensing the heat our last argument generated.

‘Yep. Dad wants me to be a journalist. Would be joining Xavier’s.’

‘Nice’ my voice gave away my disappointment.

‘And then? ‘He asked.

‘Then I find a Cool guy for myself.’ She added grinning.

I was taken back by the reply. But quickly recovered and laughed.

‘No...He meant your career plans. You are thick. ’ I added

‘Ohh… about that, I’ll join media services. There’s lot of money in that field. And they even get a lot of holidays.’

‘Oh great.’ Shashank appreciated

‘What about you?’ she prompted

‘I don’t know ...maybe engineering.’ Shashank replied while I was scratching my head trying to figure out what kind of profession would impress her.

Praveen and Rahul called out for shashank and he followed their lead inside the hall.

‘And you?’

‘Engineering may be. ’ somehow I managed to say after putting a lot of stress on my brain which went in vain the moment I answered her.

When you can’t do anything else with your life, you end up doing Engineering. It is like Godsend.

‘That’s great. But I wonder if you would make a good engineer.’

‘I am afraid, your opinion won't change anything. I’ll be an engineer no matter what.’ I said curtly

Jess smiled and said, ‘No I meant you are too emotional and if you give away to your emotions this easily, it would be hard for you. You know, they say engineering is a tough call to make.’

I was almost thinking on what to say next when suddenly Jess seemed to have remembered something.

‘Hey I, I need to talk something important to you. Let’s take a walk.’

‘ok.’

‘Look, first you need to promise me you won't react, even if you don’t like what I say. Second, you are free to say whatever comes in your mind’ She pauses for 2 seconds and then, ‘The thing is…’ she hesitated before adding ‘ Ramya likes you.’

I wondered, the knots in my stomach growing tighter.

‘What?’

‘Just listen, alright. She wanted to tell you this but she is scared you might not take it too well. So she has asked me to talk to you about this. See, Ramya is a nice girl. I know her, she's my best friend. She really likes you.’

I was fuming. I could no longer take this. The girl I loved was vouching for her best friend.

‘You know what? Both you and Ramya can go to hell’ Saying so I stormed out of the hall. I didn't want her to notice the disappointment down my face. I was angry, hurt and upset.

‘I, I am sorry. I don't want that one episode to ruin our friendship. I’ll talk to Ramya about this too. She would be happy to have you as just a friend.’ She followed me till outside. She ran, came in front of me and blocked my way.

I was getting choked. I felt this sudden surge of emotion. It was getting hard for me to hide my feelings from her.

‘Jess, can we go somewhere else?’

‘Now? Juniors are on final part of the play, name giving ceremony is right after that.’

‘Jess...please. It’s important. ‘

‘Ok gimme 10 minutes, I’ll ask Ramya to cover for me at the event.’

I was nervous while I waited for Jess in the football ground under the tree. I kept rehearsing my lines. I saw Jess coming and I froze.

‘Yeah… What is it?’ Jess said panting.

I was feeling a lot awkward. I couldn't look her into the eye.

‘Well...it's nothing important. I… I just wanted to say I would miss you after you leave this town.’ And I stopped.

‘That’s it? You made me come all the way, so that you could tell me this...?’ Jess said looking frustrated.

She looked at me and I was struggling to find words. I felt like a fool. My heart was beating a thousand beats per minute and I was scared like a rat facing a cat, which is eagerly waiting to gulp him down at one go.

She looked at me for few second and then dashed away towards the hall. I stood there feeling stupid for couple of minutes. On the way back to Farewell hall, Rahul, Praveen and Shashank caught me in dull shape and together we started moving in the direction of our hideout, which was at the extreme end of second floor in the currently deserted junior wing.

******

‘Where did you hide the stash? Praveen questioned.’

‘Last bench, look for the green polyethene.’ Rahul gave the direction.

‘You guys boozing! In the middle of this freaking day?’ I asked.

‘Brother, I can bear anything, but now you’re just crossing line and defiling the meaning of booze which I can’t tolerate. One can booze anytime and any number of times one wishes to in a day. You should not question the consumption of this heavenly drink. Even gods had madira, you know how it is difficult to get time from their busy schedule of watching young ladies dance right before their eyes. You should pay proper respect while….’Shashank tried explaining ruthlessly.

‘Hey hey…knock it off already.’ Praveen shrieked

‘Trust me dude, you need it more than any of us right now. Try blending all your sorrows into it. You’ll feel good.’ Rahul suggested.

‘Huh, I don’t think so, but thanks’

20 minutes later…

‘Life is a bitch.’ Somebody said.

‘That’s why they say if you wish to live happily, be a dog.’ Somebody replied.

‘How the fish this being a dog related anywhere remotely with living life happily, care to explain?’ this is Praveen with his hoarse voice.

‘Life is a Byatch, be a Dawg and hump it like doggies.’ It looks like shashank and one of his weird philosophies.

‘khi khi khi… I am a pathetic loser. I don’t know how to tell her. Every time I see her, my tongue just tie it up. Hey this thing is great, what is it… orange or apple? By the way, why the hell is this wall behind you shaking? And this glass is appearing colorful? I can’t feel my stomach. Am I going to die?’ It was alcohol talking from within.

‘Hey listen, Right time has come. You should tell her about your feelings now. This is the best time, if she refuses just tell her you were drunk and you had no idea what you were saying. It would act as a perfect excuse too.’ Shashank encouraged me.

‘I m scared. She might slap me.’

‘Atleast a slap is better if it end all of your suffering. It’s a divine intervention… an opportunity, just think, after this you would be able to untangle your life. And you can move on to next girl after putting a permanent full stop on this current chapter you are so struggling with. Finally you’ll be free. Towards Liberation!’ Shashank hailed his glass filled with Vodka in the air.

‘But I want to be with her’ I said slowly to myself, no one noticed.

Everybody followed him.

‘Okay, I m no coward. Please help me get up, I can’t feel my legs. Am I dying?’

‘Asshole you are not dying, just focus on what you’re gonna say.’ Shahsank yelled.

‘khi khi khi.’ It’s Alcohol again.

‘Show her, what you have got. Go and make me proud my boi.’ Praveen expressed his faith.

‘I will… I will…’

They helped me reach hall without any damage and in a single piece.

Moment I went to the Stage, I saw around 1OO people looking at me, giving dirty looks. I had to face my greatest fear. My speech had to be my Sistine Chapel... my Ninth Symphony, my "Citizen Kane". My words needed to be more inspirational...than Martin Luther King's "l Have a Dream" speech. They had to be more miraculous than Mark McGuire's 7th home run. I wanted to use impressive words like "destiny", "soul mate", "yearnings". It takes a big man to yearn. I wanted to put my heart out.

‘I’m Honey. I just want to say something to a person who is really special to me. Yeah it’s you Jess, without you, I'm as lonely as an abandoned dog in the highway! We can spend perfect days shopping and cooking together. I'll never make wise cracks...when you scrape your tires against the curb or parallel parking. I'll strike the words "hooters" and "love rockets" from my vocabulary. I'll love you even if you are Mimi and you want me to say "May-May". I'll go on a low-cholesterol diet. And I won't buy a red sports car when I have my mid-life crisis. I'll separate the whites from the colors... I'll learn the mysteries of hot water and cold water washes. I'll never huff and puff waiting for you to put on your make-up. If you're a cat person, I'll never say that a dog can save your life. I'll happily go see flicks with you, like "Pride and Prejudice". I'll make it a point to try new foods, like okra gumbo. I’ll regularly listen to your daily triumphs and struggles with full attention. I won't turn my nose at vegetables whose awful taste... is disguised by having cheese put on it. I pledge to always say "yes" when you ask, "is my hair looking okay?" I'm gonna bring a whole new meaning to the word "cuddle". I'll be thoughtful enough to read you horoscope every day. I'm gonna save every birthday card you send me. And I'll actually write you real letters when we're apart. I'm never gonna expect you to know where I left my keys... and I'll never leave my socks on the floor. With me, you'll find the cap's always on the toothpaste. I wanna kiss you right now so badly. It will be the most passionate, intimate experience you ever had. Jessica, I want to be with you and hold you. I want to gently touch your face and cup your cheeks. I want to hold your hand across the table in the restaurant. I want you to know how beautiful you are in my eyes. I want you to know how much I cherish and adore you. I want to give my heart to you. I want your heart, I want it all. I declare now, I'll give my life for you. If you fail to come to me... I know some part of me will surely die.’

Without uttering a word she scuttled towards the exit. It was a plain rejection. Vishal ran after her.

I climbed down the stage, stumbled on a few steps and fell on the ground. Alcohol was taking control of my body. People around helped me get a chair. I searched my shirt pocket for a parchment. I opened it up. It started raining. Droplets fell on me, hiding my tears underneath them. I was crying and to others it appeared as if rain is taking its toll. Few drops fell on the letter setting off the ink to bloat…

I give you flowers because I believe them to be tender. Tender here is the word of soul for all my heart and feelings revolve around it. It’s the way I feel for you. I love you beyond my capacity to understand. But you are oblivious to the fact.

I give you flowers because they make you smile and that smile is worth every effort that I would love to make, just so I may see that one chirpy smile for the rest of……

I give you flowers so you may know that this is how I feel for you. I believe that flowers speak a language that transcends the boundaries of all languages. I pray someday you too would see that. I know that you don’t love me, nor do you understand the intensity with which I love you.

These roses are meant to make your day, even though I burn here, sometimes of jealousy and sometimes just out of the pain of being oblivious in your life. I know that you have some doors of the past you haven’t closed. The ones that make my life more difficult, that distance you from me. Would you shut out the others?

I know not what prevents you from closing those doors, is it the pleasure of the chase or the hunt or is it some skewed sense of thirst for inconsequential power? I know not.

The roses I send come with their thorns, and they speak for me when they come to you. Underneath the tenderness of the wild rose lies the thorn that speaks of the pain when you act oblivious to my love. But the thorns aren’t meant for you, they are for me. They stay invisible to you underneath the tender moistened roses which are solely meant for you. They are true in their words that I care for you in ways you will probably never understand. All I can do is send this message through flowers and hope that you, someday, might understand.

Love

Honey

I folded the letter like it originally was and kept it inside my pocket. It had been five days since I’ve been sending her the flowers. And it’d been five days of joy for me, every time I saw her face light up. The roses were beautiful, and so was she. Would she know, I never knew... it didn't matter.

Chapter 2: Face-Off

Home, 8^th July 2009

The Sun was high in the sky exuding light and heat energy. I could hear birds chirping, guys competing over football, shrieking every time a goal was scored or whenever any cute girl passed by and of course, the blare of ear deafening Hanuman chalisa being played at Shukla auntie’s place. It was an ordinary day and I was doing usual stuff, stuff responsible for keeping a person fresh. I like doing it quite often, simply lying on the bed killing time through FM, not on music but checking out the level of joblessness among Radio jockeys, ridiculing every second of their funny accented gibberish, which is a matter of amusement for me and if it doesn’t sate my craving for killing time, I draw random pictures on books from old school days, expressing my rail at them. I despised studies all my life. Once I used my washing machine to avenge all the pain and suffering that I had to go through caused by studies one way or another. I had developed this hobby of drawing on books during pre-boards, drawing was the only thing which had connected me with the books and I used to cling to books just to draw, nothing else. To my parents it appeared as if I were studying rigorously for examinations, day in, day out. I read somewhere that, books are your best friends. Well I agree, books were my best friends.

Mail Mothfcuker, My desktops e-mail alert tone after getting inspired from Euro-trip. Sad movie.

‘Aargh…what now?’ I complained.

  

Message popped up on desktop screen coerced me to get up and have a look at it. Reluctantly, I made my way to the desktop stumbling here and there in search for belongings which one could use to carry out one’s morning ablutions. I sat on the chair with a tooth brush in my mouth. I open up the mail which was an invitation card for a party that weekend.

What is this? I was confused as the sender’s name and address were not mentioned. The Email id was also not much revealing, monstrous_laugh@gmail.com. I laughed to myself. Who in the world keeps such a weird email ID…but, you never know.

Who the hell is this? Should I reply back? Ok, let me do it.

I started replying with an evil grin on my face.

Dhoom macha le, dhoom macha le

Dhoom macha le, dhoom macha le

Dhoom macha le, dhoom macha le

Dhoom, dhoom, dhoom…

Ohhh…its Veni.

Veni was my classmate in school. Her problem is, she thinks she is a he. We used to fight a lot in school over frivolous fruitless things every now and then. But today we are friends with best interests for each other. She can do anything for me, I know it and I can do anything for her, she knows it as well. By anything I meant anything, literally or figuratively. She knows me better than myself and I think that sometimes she even reads my mind. She knows all my secrets, all my desires, my wants, my passions and my frustrations. She is the only person from whom I take advice on relationships, which I regret most of the time after taking. I have this secret pact with her that if we both stay single by the time we turn 30 we’ll walk down the aisle together. Funny…isn’t it? Told her, but she is hell of a crazy person.

‘Yelloww’

‘Strange! You are awake, at this hour of the day, who is the lucky girl?’ she asked sarcastically.

‘Huh? You think you’re funny? Go to laughter challenge then, I swear, Siddhu would die laughing at you and your Phunny zokes’ I retorted with an equal zest.

‘No, I was serious. You sure your biological clock is in fine fettle? It’s only 10.30 in the morning. You still have got 2 hours short.’ She said, putting stress on the numbers.

‘Whatever… hey, guess what happened just now? I got a mail from some bugger with a weird email address for a party this weekend. And the funny part is the sender’s email ID, monstrous_laugh@gmail.com. Can you believe it?’ I was laughing my ass off.

‘Yeah I can believe it. It is just an invitation, right?’ she said firmly.

‘I know, but you are missing the point here. The point is, were you listening when I told you about the email ID.. monstrous_laugh@gmail.com, ring any bells? And you know what, I am replying to it and from now on this person would think twice before writing another invitation without proper information’ I said, somehow maintaining the balance of my laughing ass on the chair.

‘You….’ She was about to say something.

‘Sent’ I interrupted after heaving a sigh.

‘Received’ she confirmed in high timbre.

‘Oooh… So you were this guy with monstrous laugh?’ I exclaimed.

‘Arey yaar, I forgot my old password so made this new ID. Eewww, You are disgusting. By looking at this reply of yours I must say, you have mastered the art of swearing quite well. I see brightness in your future.’ She said with a coat of conspicuous disgust in her expression.

‘Thanks’ I said, strutting around in the room.

‘Yeah, so this Saturday evening. My place. See you there.’

‘What’s the occasion?’ I scratched my head.

When is her birthday? Anything important this Saturday? Valentines Day? Check. Childrens Day? Check. What else…what else?

‘Arey, simply… regular get together. Be there on time’

‘Wokay Hitler’ I affirmed.

I jumped back onto the bed, over my books, around regular crappy RJs and whistles in the background. I got mesmerized back into my world of nothing as Hanuman Ji were smiling above flanked by clouds.

******

New Friends Colony, 11^th July 2009

The Azure sky turned into crimson red as the Sun crawled down the horizon. I wasn’t expecting this much of traffic on Saturdays but after almost 3 hours of driving through the polluted environment of Delhi roads, here I was, standing outside her apartment’s main gate. Gate keeper had done the regular enquiry before letting me into the society compound. As I marched to her place which was on the 7^th floor, en route I saw kids playing hide and seek, and it made me realize how swiftly time flies by. I saw a murky image of myself hiding in the bushes escaping the seeker. We all do play hide and seek; irrespective of how old we grow. Every now and then at office with our work, from time to time at home with our responsibilities and on occasions even with ourselves. But in certain situations, you just cannot hide.   It doesn’t take long for a hider to become a seeker. Everything is a fix. Everything is.

I guess I m already late. It’s almost 8. Slow down your pace man, what’s the point of rushing now? She’s gonna kill you anyway.

I rushed to the elevator as soon as I saw it closing at some distance.

‘Hello… Boss’ I yelled for the person inside.

Luckily they were only adjusting and opened the elevator door for me as soon as they heard me. I saw a relatively tall girl, dressed up pretty nicely or rather ravishingly and looking hot in her black dress. I don’t know what she was wearing but it looked really nice on her. As I have already said before she was relatively taller, that was in comparison to this guy she was with.  She smiled at me when I hopped inside like a bunny. I smiled back at her keeping a sideway look from the corner of my eye to the guy accompanying her. He was staring at me.

‘7^th floor please’ somehow I managed to say. She is a goddess.

Ohhh, it is 7^th already.  What’s his problem? Why the hell is he staring?

I turned around to check her out again and she winked at me.

Dude, did she really…!!! Do I know her or something? I wish I’d know her somehow. I thought and gave a crossed look to that guy again.

‘Honey?’ he said slowly, making an effort to confirm something.

I turned around for the voice. Short guy was stunned. I was surprised too. I wanted to know what surprised him or was it his normal face.

Why is he giving strange looks and why the fuck is his mouth open? Is there something on my shirt? Is something wrong with me or my hair? I turned around a couple of times restlessly which made that angel of mine beam, for a second though.

‘Honey!!! It’s me, Atul… you have changed a lot’ short guy said and started telling about himself.

I looked curiously at that creature who was claiming to be my classmate. His babbling was frustrating, reminding me of the old times when he used to jabber unnecessarily without putting much thought to what he was actually saying, in front of whom and in what situation. In a split second I realized;

‘Ohh, Atul… it’s you ‘I addressed him or this short guy after almost 4 years. Elevator door was wide open, wiping the smile off my face and shooing those clouds between my past and the present. I could see this short guy laughing aloud behind those shooing clouds.

Well, the good thing is you are not late and she is not going to kill you. So you can still live some more good years. I tried consoling myself as we walked towards her place.

‘704, there you go big guy.’ Short guy said after enthusiastically pressing the door bell.

Thanks Pingu. Yeah that was the name we gave him. I grinned at this self created mnemonic of my imagination.

‘You remember Parul? She was in commerce.’ He said pointing to the girl in black dress, standing right beside me, whose presence I’d almost forgot due to the shock I got in the elevator. Her plain sight is enough for a person to get cured of all ailments.

Nice…. Is she single?

‘And we 2 are into each other like anything. It’s been  almost 4 years. I can still remember the day when I proposed to her during farewell.’ He continued. I think he read my mind and said that stuff intentionally but the nodding girl was telling a different story.

Huh? Darn you stars’.

He jostled past me, pushing me out of their way to reach her and then hugged her. What an enviable sight it was. They look good together no matter how much I curse them or my stars’. Huh? Somebody please open this god damn door…and save me from this misery. Alas, my prayers were heard and the door was opened.

‘Hey guys!’ Veni popped her head out. ‘You guys go to the roof; others are already there. Idiot, you come in and help me with the stuff.’

‘Whatdapphhhu… you call this a party? What kind of host asks their guest to work? I’ll charge extra for this.’ I tried complaining moving my hands haphazardly.  

‘Alright alright, you and your tantrums.’ she said, closing the door behind my back ‘Btw, why are you alone?’ 

She went straight inside the kitchen and I was following her like a donkey after plastic radish. I’m not going to cook. Am I? Is she crazy enough to jeopardize this whole party? I bet she is…

‘Does it matter?’ I said with a smirk.

‘Yeah it does you dumbo; it’s a couple night out. Couple means pair, even if you have a guy with you. Get the point? Or you want me to articulate more?’ she was frowning ‘you should have told me before if you didn’t get a date, Sakshi was asking about you. I’d have fixed her for you.’

‘What are you now, A Matchmaker? Listen, you never told me to bring anybody. How the heck I’m supposed to know it’s a freaking party meant for stooopid couples.’ I resented. ‘Hey c’mon, is it really necessary to have a date? It’s not going to affect this party or anything. Right?”

‘I don’t know’ she sound distressed.

‘Are you guys on a sprint for somewhere? Abbey don’t worry. You guys are not going anywhere and I’ll be fine.’ I said joyfully ‘The moment I feel jaded, I’ll come right after you for a snuggling and dirty stuff. By dirty stuff you know what I mean… ‘I leered at her making gestures.

‘You better come, my love’ she reciprocated with the same energy and seductive tone. ‘Help me in taking these things to the roof’ she ordered.

‘Yes Master. Btw, where is Jithin?’ I inquired.

‘On the roof’ she answered with a wicked but lovely smile.

******

They were all sitting together laughing and talking. It was kind of a reunion of old classmates. I identified most of the faces from my own section. There were, Pingu and Parul sitting together holding hands and canoodling in the corner. Vishal, good friend of mine was sitting with Sakshi who waved at me as soon as I entered. Karan was dancing with his date to the soft music being played. I saw Jasmeet sitting before the laptop selecting all kinds of numbers and controlling the party’s mood; he had these big headphones on his head, doing head banging to the rhythm like a DJ. There were many other faces but I failed to recognize them.

This is great. ‘Hi….Hello…ssup Man!! ‘I greeted the moment I had any eye contact.

I settled down with Veni and Jithin. I was meeting them after a really long time. It’s been 4 years since they all passed school but nothing had changed much, of course some of the guys had bulging waists and receding hairlines but the girls had shaped up. I myself had added on a few pounds. It felt nice, again sitting in the circle like good old days. In school whenever there was any free period, we all used to sit in a circle and talk. Talk about regular issues, like girls…yeah that was the only issue we had for the circle as far as I remember.

The conversation was in flow.

‘You have changed a bit since we met last time!’ Girl sitting behind whispered. You know when girls get amazed or blow, their lips give out this weird shape of an alphabet O and a noise of “whooowhooo” like some alien race trying to haunt shit out of you or a witch doing black magic mumbo jumbo ready to knock you down with it.

‘Yeah, this is what you call life. Right?’ I turned around and nodded to have a better look of her. She was ok ok. I would give her a plain 5.5. She giggled

‘Guys, what about Chimpu?’ Sakshi asked.

‘The one who always talked about going to the States and flaunted goods his cousins there sent him. He was such a big mouth.’ Shikha asked. ‘You had a crush on him, right Sakshi?’

The others sniggered. Sakshi and Shikha exchanged glare.

I want a cat fight over this. c’mon. Show your true colors girlies.

"Well, he’s got through IIMA." Veni intervened. Sensing their cold war over this Chimpu, which was affecting this party.

Why Veni why?

Sakshi smiled, considering herself as the sole winner out of this situation and gave a beam to Shikha.

‘But I heard from somebody, he is involved with a guy over there, I don’t know if it’s a rumor.’ Veni asserted.

Sakshi’s smile evaporated the moment she heard the words ‘with a guy’.

Burn!! I clapped.

‘What are your plans for future, honey? ‘Sakshi shot at me as a desperate attempt of diverting others’ attention from the current topic.

‘I don’t know, I haven’t given much thought into it really. But right now I just want to have fun for sometime.’ I responded.

‘You should seriously think about your future brother. Take it seriously because you can’t compensate for things you could lose because of your so-called immature and irrational behavior.’ Vishal added his 2 cents.

I was like… speechless. I wasn’t expecting this.

‘Yeeaaah’ I managed a few words in reply which I would certainly not describe as sufficient for that moment.

Alright Mom, I’ll think about it. Can we again go back at being normal people without goals? Curse you…

‘What do you do for a living Vishal?’ I tried countering him.

‘Well, I help my dad with his import export business. We export textile stuff to Middle East and get back their stuff and distribute it in the local market. I have started working on new projects also, like diversifying the existing business.’ He said gracefully.

He continued with his highly structured dreams and sophisticated plans for future, giving every minute detail. I don’t know why it was only me, who almost slept while others were listening spellbound. He was charming; his talks were hypnotizing and his way of captivating others made me jealous. He had all those qualities which I resented and only wanted for myself. Suddenly I started looking at him like a villain with big teeth protruding outward and a big pointed nose moving hither and thither in a comical way, when unexpectedly he got up abruptly and rushed for taking some call.

Thank god. My curses started showing their effect, late though. I think he had too much today. Natures call. I laughed.

‘That was quite inspirational. I am moved.’ I ridiculed. But nobody buttressed me. ‘C’mon… that guy was horrible. Don’t tell me you guys didn’t feel it that way. He wasn’t even funny. I kept quite because I thought he’d cry if I say something witty.’ everybody gave me a scornful look.

‘You guys are boring.’ I grumbled. ‘Hey, can I have a refill?’

The conversation shifted to the personal lives of their friends. Most of them were either committed or were planning to take their vows in a couple of years.

Maybe he is right. I should think about my future. Really? Noah... I am better this way. Imosional fools.

I stood up in derision and moved to the other side of the terrace near the bar for restocking my empty glass. I noticed the girl sitting behind, trailing me and she ordered something… something blue.

‘If I’d be you, I’d think twice before having it. Try this one, its better.’ I prompted.

‘Are you trying to get me drunk? That blue thing is lemonade.’  She sneered.

Never trust any online guide for flirting though one-liners. They factually suck.

I looked back and saw Vishal back on his chair, talking to others about his heroic deeds on reviving his comatose bedridden import-export business and how he saved it from the immoral government and evil competitors. Everybody listened to this sage embellishing halo over head with immense fascination.

He is a non stop chatter box.

‘You look distracted’ the girl asked.

‘Yeah I think I’m gonna puke.’ I said cheerlessly.

‘Hey, it’s little crowded up here… do you wanna go and have some coffee at my place?  I’m Sonali, Veni’s neighbor.’ She introduced herself.

I could use a cup of coffee. I love coffee.  It takes things off my mind.

‘Hi, Honey here. Veni’s best friend ‘I told my part.

We exchanged a handshake and smile, needless to say. I stood up and told Veni that I was going downstairs for a while. She gave a mischievous smile to Sonali who was standing next to me. I got hold of one more precious piece of information in the form of girls hidden communication style. Trust me folks…they can speak a lot just through their eyes.

‘What was that for?’ I asked Sonali as we started walking.

‘Nothing, she is obtuse sometimes. You know her better than me. Right?’ she chuckled.

Is it what I think it is? I smiled.

The moment we reached the terrace doors, a girl passes by with alacrity. We made an eye connection for a brief moment. Folk’s, eyes do talk and this was a confirmatory test.

With her skates on, she dashed inside and hugged Veni. They got into talking. Vishal also came to them and connected quickly.

‘Jessica?’ I murmured under my breath. It was a shock which came like a bolt from the blue. I don’t know… I have no more faith in my stars. Fuck them.

I was looking at both of them from back, when I became conscious. He was the same guy I saw Jess with, the other day near the metro station. ‘Jess and Vishal’ I thought. Suddenly the thought of hiding somewhere crisscrossed my mind. Hide and seek is inevitable. This tribulation of face-off created strife in my mind.

‘Shall we move?’ Sonali invited.

All I could manage was ‘Oh yeah… good.’

I just stood there for I don’t know how much time. Clouds mustered in the firmament with lightening strokes jolting mother earth sporadically at a distance. Few water droplets fell on me, if truth be told it felt so nice. Wild tumult for refuge against rain on the terrace created bedlam, Triggering pandemonium of thoughts in my mind.

Chapter 1: The Butterfly Effect

Home, 23^rd August 2005

  

It is full moon. I could vividly see the image of this refulgent ethereal object on the horizon of sea with few fisherman boats dwindling with the waves as I promenaded at the beach. I could clearly feel the nippiness in the breeze through my numb ears and the pangs of shiver down my spine. I could feel the warmth of her hand in my hand, which inspired feelings of beloved ness and an ephemeral bliss. Just walking by her side was making me high and throwing me into a state of divine never-ending euphoria.

Suddenly she turns to me and I could smell her sweet breath. She reaches for my ears and says something beautiful, which I couldn’t understand fully. I tried to pay more attention to what she was saying, which were again incomprehensible, no matter how hard I tried.

I realized there was something, some disturbance which was actually attenuating my hearing ability making me not hear her words. When I focused harder, it was getting more apparent and further impaired my hearing acumen. To my utter surprise I noticed, it was calling forth my name, HONEY, and that too in an irate tone. Everything started shaking; a large whale came and capsized those fisherman boats, and now coming right at us. We started running, running for our lives. Within a fraction of second everything around us or rather I call myself was wet. My mom used the water jug kept on the side table as an alarm clock to wake me up!  

 ‘Honey! Get up you lazy bum; your flight is in 3 hours. You want to go to college or what?’ Ma screamed ‘god give some sense to him.’

‘Mmmm…what time is it Ma?’

‘It’s 10, get up fast or you want me to give you bath right here with this jug full of water?’ she warned with a menace in her voice.

‘Ooh….yeah please...’ I maintained while jumping out of the bed and cursing her timing of waking me up from such an enticing dream in my mind.

Yeah it was The Day when I had to report to my institute for admission formalities, for that I’d to travel all across the country till Calicut where my college was ‘National Institute of Technology, Calicut’.

‘And tell me, why you were making these funny faces in sleep’ she inquired, on breakfast table.

‘What! ‘I uttered dumbstruck

Dhoom macha le, dhoom macha le

Dhoom macha le, dhoom macha le

Dhoom macha le, dhoom macha le

Dhooom, dhooom, dhooom…

 Whoa, thank god. Somebody had listened to my telepathic vibes and has called me in-turn saving me from the humiliation caused by the dream I had last night.

‘Hello’ I said, I should really stop watching late night romantic movies, I muttered to myself.

‘Hey there, everything is ready?’ Jessica shot from other end.

‘Yeah I guess so. Stuffed everything don’t know what is where. You know me. Btw, where are you?’ I asked while having my toast, God I love toast and tea.

‘I’m driving. When is your flight? Hey listen, I’ll drop you to the airport. I am on your way to home, reaching there in 5 minutes. Bring your sad ass down fast. Will pick you up from parking. See you.’

‘What???... Hello...Heello…...whatever’ I was shouting

Beep Beep Beep

Hung? Huh... ‘She is crazy.’ Not only her, it is a normal feminine disorder. Specie in concern here is utterly idyllic; they just talk to the point minus any emotional stuff. They force things on species in same domain but other in gender most of the time and are jealous of species of same gender all of the time.

I gave one final look at my room. Wallpapers were urging me not to leave. With this room I’d shared countless memories. The room had stood testimony to my joys, my tears, success, my failures, my passions, love, and heartbreaks. Everything appeared gloomy, marking bereavement of the incumbent from the beholder. I would definitely miss it, I would miss this city and I would miss everybody around.

Am I leaving? Don’t worry honey, its all going to be just fine. I calmed myself down.

I was standing in the parking lot, looking at my watch intermittently. It was nearing 11 and Jessica was still not here. It was probably the last time I’d be seeing Jessica. I’d decided to cool off things with her for two reasons. Firstly that I was leaving the city for an uncertain period of time and secondly, after the so-called stunt of proposing her during school farewell which didn’t work out well after her telling me that I need to grow up. And later on in the years, I’d also admitted that I needed to grow up. So there was I, thinking;

May be she is right; she had always been more matured in these matters. 

Jessica arrived, some 20 minutes later.

‘Sorry sorry sorry so so sorry, I m really really really sorry, you know how bad the traffic situation is...’ Jessica explained as she opened the car’s door for me.

This is again a problem here, when a girl puts so many ‘so’ and ‘sorry’ with great deal of emphasis using modulation of tone, a guy must forgive her and must force a smile, because trust me pal you don’t have any other option left with you. It mellows you automatically like butter on a pan, even if you don’t want it to happen.

‘Hmmm, are we good to go now?’ I said with a plastic smile obviously

‘Ohh yes, of course. You don’t seem to be in your natural peak. What’s the matter? Anything which is troubling you? You can tell me.’ she asked.

A sense of dejavu’ struck me. Yeah right, the last time when I told you what’s troubling me; I was told that I needed to grow up, balls.

‘Nothing’ I said

‘Are you telling me that all this tantrum is because you’re going to this college, man this is great, college’s can bring great deal of change in an individual’s life and behavior.’

‘whaaateverrr’

All through the ride, I talked less and kept looking at her. I wanted to preserve this last meeting with her in the labyrinth of my mind.

I love her then why am I just sitting and not speaking when this probably would be the last time I’m with her when her status is single. I’m a tosser and I can’t help it.

‘Jessica, would you miss me?’ I asked cutting her short suddenly.

‘Yes, I would. No one else has ever dared an attempt of proposing Me.’ she chuckled.

I grinned. What did she mean? Is she kidding or is she serious? I hate sarcasms

Then we talked about our yester years, school friends, old memories, jokes we’ve shared together, our patented hilarious laughs together, good times and bad times.

As we neared the airport,

Trust me you are a great loser, are you going to tell her or not? At least make one last attempt. You have nothing to loose. I don’t want to loose her as a friend.  No you won’t loose her. You need to tell her about your feelings. Or just say some crap, something romantic…for god sake why do you watch so many romantic movies for?

Alright, I needed to tell her one last time how much I loved her. I didn’t want her answer; I just wanted to let away the burden which was there over my head and heart. I just wanted to express my feelings for her in words. Because somewhere deep down inside I knew that she doesn’t have the same feelings for me. But I had to tell her, and that’s what I did.

At the airport, I hopped out of the car.

‘Jessica, I love you’ I said loud and clear, staring right in her eyes.

Hehe...you suck man. The only thing which differentiated me from a leech is that eventually a leech might stop sucking, but I am a perennial sucker. Is this a way of telling how you feel. No wonder she rejected you last time, and that too assertively.

She looked at me for few seconds; there was something in her eyes which I couldn’t read. I tried my best though.

‘I get it. I know your answer. But I don’t know what to do. How to kill it’ I said after almost breaking down.

Don’t cry now, you crybaby. You call yourself a man? I doubt it…

She opened the door and asked me to sit inside for a while. I sat there and she was waiting for me to settle down. We were holding hands.

Holding hands, my stars are at right positions I guess. Focus IDIOT

After few minutes, she swiftly turns towards me and then gave a warm hug and asked me through a whisper in my ear ‘Do you love me?’

Mmmm…I want this time to stop right now. I don’t want it to tick anymore. It is like an eclipse and I don’t want it to end. But like any other eclipse it’d to end.

‘Yes’ I said, looking in the other direction hiding my watery eyes.

‘Will you do what I say then?’ she demanded.

‘Yes’

 ‘Honey, life has bigger things in store for you. Don’t get too upset about this. Go inside and wash your face. Give me a call when you reach Calicut’ she said thrusting an Airtel Sim card in my hand.

That is it. She doesn’t have any feelings for me. I’m done with her. I gave up. I can’t convince her to change her mind. She thinks I’m juvenile and unsuitable for her. I don’t care. I hate this place, this city and everybody around. Resentment started developing inside of me.

I collected my stuff, bade goodbye and headed for the airport.

Jessica had been right. There had been bigger things in store for me. Things in the form of ‘E, Turtle and Johnny’; they became my best friends of life and I’m certainly taking their names to my grave. I had met many interesting girls and dated them too. I’d thought about Jessica many a times but had never given her a call in these 4 years. So when I ran into her in Delhi this July at Connaught place, I had been flooded with memories of the past. I was standing at the tea stall with friends. She was walking down fast with stack of books in her hand. Sky was overcast and breeze was blowing making her hair locks dance on her face. Her gaze was lower as she scurried towards the metro station. Out of the blues it started to drizzle. Rain drop on her skin was giving away glittering effect. I couldn’t do anything but admire the fact; she is damn beautiful! *sigh

Just then she looked up and saw me smiling. I was caught unprepared and unwanted, which made me shift my eyes in other direction. She felt something strange and gave me an awkward smile after giving some thought.

Did she even recognize me? No way...With this heavy beard n unruly hair I look like a beggar, it’s impossible.

.

A moment later, a guy came out of the metro station, went to her and offered his umbrella. Her face got lightened up. She embraced him with a wider and more beautiful smile than she’d ever given to me. She looked back for a second as if she’d missed on something. I watched them both go inside the metro station.  The guy looked happy and she was with her boyfriend. She looked happy too. And here I was, happy for her.

She finally found the guy of her dream I had thought.

Later in the evening, I searched my wallet for the Sim card which she had given to me the last time we’d met at the airport, which I’d preserved as a relic, never used though and which I wanted to set free now because somewhere or some part of my mind was telling me that, I was not its rightful owner. So I decided to throw it away with a peaceful mind. I was about to throw it and then immediately something stuck me almost piercing me till my soul. I hastily opened up my cell phone and changed the Sim card in the slot. I switched on the power. After opening, there was this ‘1 unread voicemail’, which I opened right away without using any grey material filled in my head. I grasped at the words.

It’s happening again, I have seen it before. It’s the dream I had… My dream reanimated itself right before my eyes. I was watching in horror.  She is whispering something in my ear. But this time I heard it.

‘I love you honey ’

Sent:

23:53:22

22-08-05